filmandcinemapuritans

HALLOWEEN REMAKE People have been asking me, why do I pick on the Rob Zombie remake of HALLOWEEN so much, and my answer is simple: THE FILM SHOULD NOT OF BEEN MADE AND IT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN MADE BY A SO CALLED HORROR FAN.  Okay this blog has major spoilers about this film (and I use that term lightly) so if you still want to see it stop reading right now.  I give Rob Zombie the credit for actually having the stones to attempt a remake of the horror classic (or a horror movie that is a staple of 70’s horror), having said that I would think, on behalf of the horror movie fans and the legacy of the character of Michael Meyers (a 007 of horror) he would’ve respected the fundamentals of what made the character so unique. The basics of Michael Meyers is his fluid movement, the infamous breathing and most of all his mystery, the motive of him doing evil things is never really revealed. That brings us to the opening of the remake: We find Michael Meyers being a slightly obese little kid who likes to hurt small animals. We then discover that he has a step dad (we don’t know who Michael Meyers father is and we never find out, great opportunity not taken); played by William Forsythe and his mother who is an exotic dancer played compassionately by Sherri Moon (Rob Zombie’s wife). He has two sisters (like in the original), one is much older and the other is only an infant (which is revealed in HALLOWEEN 2), it seems like the quiet and shy, Michael Meyers has affection for the young infant girl. So at this point the events that carry out in the remake are similar to the events in the original, but the remake of course elaborates more (because Rob Zombie wanted more blood and gore instead of style). Michael Meyers is ready to go Trick or Treating but his sisterSo based on what is presented here, the motivation for Michael Meyers to turn into the penultimate evil serial killer is his father is dead, his step father is a degenerate, his sister is a slut and his mother is a stripper. This result is weak and poor character development that does not justify the means.            The actual instances in the film such as the brutal over the top violence fest of a beginning lends little or no credence of the legacy Michael Meyers. The fact that the kid actually puts on the adult size Michael Meyers mask made me want to just leave the movie theater and demand my money back. Michael Meyers kills people and kills people and kills more people, to what else but classic rock (thanks Rob Zombie, I really want to think of RUSH as Michael Meyer is stabbing someone). Plus the injection of all of Rob Zombie’s stock characters: Bill Mosley, Sid Haig, Danny Trejo (Who played actually a great role), Tom Towles, Udo Kier and Clint Howard. Time is another major factor while watching the remake, when we first see the teenage girls walk down the street in “modern day” we try to imagine what “modern day” is, all the cars are less than vintage, one of the characters is wearing a SLAYER shirt, one of the characters has a cell phone and going back to the childhood Michael Meyers scenes we think we’re in the seventies when it looks like we might only be in the mid eighties, so we don’t know exactly when the time period is. If you are watching a film and you don’t know what decade you’re in, then that film is in trouble.  When Doctor Loomis (Malcolm McDowell) saves the day (sort of), he does the most clichéd thing any horror movie character does, he takes a “pause” so that the killer could pop up again to kill again; you would think that after Doctor Loomis unloads on his killer patient he would save the young girl by throwing her in the car and flooring it to Canada, not to pause about how he failed in life. If you actually watch the scene again in slow motion, I think Malcolm McDowell didn’t want to do it because he gives the most fakest “sigh’s” I’m ever heard. Which brings me to the point of why was the original ninety minute film just squeezed in too the last forty minutes of the remake. The cliff notes version of the original which was crammed in the last part of the movie was insulting to not only John Carpenter’s classic, but to movie goers everywhere. At that point at act three, I don’t understand why didn’t Rob Zombie just take Michael Meyers to another location or just pinpoint him in the direction of his sister and get this nonsense over and done with. If Rob Zombie would have just stayed with Doctor Loomis in the mental institution and just ended the film where Michael Meyers escaped, then the film might have been an acceptable prequel.   This is a weak, nasty, clichéd, sexist and non-artistic film, Rob Zombie delivered almost a snuff film that could test the ranks of Italian horror movies as the dreadful and tasteless CANNIBAL HOLOCUST.             In Closing HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES was a fresh homage to horror films of yesteryear, THE DEVILS REJECTS was an almost artsy portrayal of obsession and crossing moral lines, HALLOWEEN: THE REMAKE was a cheap way to make some money by exploiting a property that had already been proven to be successful. The fan base was established so nothing new was needed to get people to go see it, so by goring it up to have fans from Rob Zombie’s films would having something to drool over is irresponsible and disrespectful.Mr. Zombie I suggest the next film you make, subtract all the hookers, and rednecks and rejects and pick up an actual screen-writing book to write an original and interesting character. Learn about drama, learn about fundamental story telling and not about how violent you could make something or how naked you get each actress; it’s about the horror of the human mind and what pain makes which character do a certain action. So please, take a breath the next time you sit down to a typewriter and think outside what you have already done and write something original. I do believe Mr. Zombie has talent; I just want him to keep his greasy tattooed arms off my classic horror movies! Side note: CANNIBAL HOLOCUST is probably the worst film I have ever seen, and I do not recommend the film to anyone. What I mean by “worst film” is the film is so vile and putrid that it makes you feel guilty for watching it. The actual actors in the film murder live animals on screen in unsettling ways and at the end of the picture, you just want to know what artful reason was justified to put such real horror on a film screen. The reason was two Italian directors trying to out do each other in the gore and shock factor. I DO NOT recommend CANNIBAL HOLOCUST and in fact if you ever find a copy I suggest burning it. 

The original trailer for the classic film: