filmandcinemapuritans

My obsession with Horror movies started when I was a young boy. The local televisions where I lived used to always show horror movies on Friday nights or run marathons of them, like play all the Friday the 13^th’s all week and or the same thing with the ELM STREET SERIES. I had an old HITACHI television with a dial and I used to sit maybe ten inches from the television with my hand on the channel dial (Remember that old phrase, Don’t touch that dial). The film would progress and if the film got too scary I would change the channel to a cartoon or whatever sitcom, most likely WHO’S THE BOSS? Then I watch the unfunny show of the time and then put back the scary movie of the week, usually when the beheading or the impalement had already commenced. It wasn’t until I saw DAY OF THE DEAD that my fear of horror movies had ended. I watched the entire film on television on a Sunday afternoon and alas the film was not scary. This is not an insult to the film; it’s a great little movie, with some of the funniest lines ever (NOTE: See my start page for clip). Just for Halloween I’m going to pick six movies (I limited myself to six, that was hard) for real scares. This isn’t a list of me saying what the best horror movies of all time are, I’m just stating some films that scared the snot out of me. Here we go:

7(bonus) BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, this film I wanted to add only as a bonus and not

really part of my five. When I saw this film in the movie theater, I knew it was fake going in. It still scared the hell out of me. Just the psychological effects of putting yourself in the situation of the campers are very disturbing to me. I took that film as not the Blair Witch tormenting them, I took as it some crazy person tormenting them. With that situation it goes to show that anybody could have been chasing them. That chills me to the bones. I actually could not sleep that night I was so disturbed that has never happened to me prior and hasn’t helped me since.

THE SINISTER SIX

6. ALIEN - ALIEN is probably one of the best horror films and science fiction ever put on celluloid.

When a spaceship lands on an alien planet to investigate a distress signal, the tagline of the film comes true: “In space, nobody can hear you scream.” ALIEN is a haunted house movie set in outer space with a maximum achievement of thrills. With tight and innovative directing and lighting, a dynamic ensemble cast and one of the scariest villains in monster move history this film is a definite classic.

5. THE SHINING, Stanley Kubrick made one of the scariest films of all time. Not only is Jack Nicholson incredible as the crazy caretaker, the child Danny Lloyd is one of the creepiest characters of all time. Kubrick regardless of what film he has made he ahs a way of making you very nervous when nothing is happening on the screen. Isolationism is what Kubrick does best (see 2001, CLOCKWORK ORANGE, EYES WIDE SHUT). The film will stay with you for years especially with the ending of the climax with Jack Nicholson and the hedge maze. Avoid the television movie of all costs.

4. THE EXORCIST voted the scariest film of all time (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081505/news#ni0594784), which I agree that it’s scary. The last scene with the priests versus the evil demon has images that when you close your eyes to go to sleep, you will see them again.

3. TEXAS CHAINSAW, balls to the wall horror, barely any blood. This is the film with the infamous disturbing dinner scene and one of the scariest monsters of all time LEATHERFACE.

2. PHANTASM, a film that is usually overlooked (I’m sure they’ll remake it real soon), this film involves grave robbing, a mysterious funeral home, cloaked midgets and another creepy fellow, THE TALL MAN. PHANTASM is a film that’ll scare you silly. BOY!

1. NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, what can I say, this is the first film scared the hell out of me when I was a kid. This film I hold very endear to my heart as the first film to ever give me nightmares. The film is so compelling as you put yourself in the shoes of the character of Nancy (Heather Langenkamp) and try to vanquish the evil FREDDY KRUEGER. Johnny Depp in his film debut plays Glen, Nancy’s boyfriend and is the voice of reason and tries to help Nancy psychologically before he discovers too late that its not all in her head.  The conversation between Nancy and Glen goes as follows:

NANCY: What if there is a monster in your dreams?

GLEN: You turn your back on it and take away its power.

I use that on people all the time (that quote). This film is great however was spoiled with many sequels. The original Freddy was a mystery and genuinely scary, before he was turned into a comedian in the later sequels. The original is one of the scariest films ever made and it makes me sad that they’re making a remake. Supposedly in the remake, Billy Bob Thorton is going to play Freddy and it’s going to be an origin film. I don’t know to feel about that, it’s flattering that they got an Oscar winner to play the villain, but Robert England’s shoes are too huge to fill. NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET is terrifying and I stand by that statement. If I watch this film today, I still have Freddy dreams after.

It’s that time of the year, Halloween. My favorite holiday of the year, all the television channels showing horror movies, every person’s lawn in gently suburbs erect disgusting graveyards and mausoleums. However as of late, on television some of the horror movies that are showed on the channels lately aren’t scary or classic. I feel that we should preserve our film and horror heritage and show our children the original DRACULA and films up to the sixties and seventies. That’s why I turned to an old film from the Black exploitation days in the seventies: BLACULA. Okay I know some people might be thinking that I’m making a joke. This film isn’t the scariest film on the planet but it is one of the most entertaining. Shakespearian actor William Marshall plays the title character of an African Prince who is turned into a vampire and is woken up in Los Angles in the 1970’s. William Marshall’s booming voice is worth price of admission, plus some of the funniest lines in film history and a scene in a morgue, which is actually genuinely scary.

The black exploitation films are my poison, with seventies funky soundtracks and the larger than life characters that explode on the screen. BLACULA is a great film for Halloween and if you can find it, try to find DR. BLACK AND MR. HYDE. This is one of the funniest trailers I’ve ever seen. WARNING, the following might contain questionable language.

PAUL NEWMAN

One of the best actors of our time died recently and I want to mention a film that he did that is top notch. Paul Newman plays a ranch hand, Hud Bannon, who is just too cool for words. His father is Melvyn Douglas who doesn’t approve of his son who is a womanizing, bar brawling villain. Paul Newman actually played the part as a villain yet he’s almost got a quality that he’s the anti-hero and he’s actually delightful to watch.

Paul Newman exudes coolness, sadly there probably isn’t going to be another actor that comes close to both his personality and his talent. This is a great film and needs another look. The film won three Oscars two for supporting actors and actresses respectively, Douglas and Patricia Neal and cinematography.

Paul Newman will be missed and I think that we should review some of his best work, also check out THE HUSTLER, COOL HAND LUKE, THE STING, TOWERING INFERNO and THE VERDICT. His last film was a voice over actually for the animated comedy CARS.

We lost a real actor and a real humanitarian with all his charitable organizations that he was in charge of; he was a real stand up guy.

True story, he was in a class with young children and one of the children walked up to him and asked if he was the guy on the lemonade carton. Paul Newman sells lemonade with his face on it, so Paul Newman said, “yes.” The kid than asked, not know whom Mr. Newman was, “Sir are you missing?” Mr. Newman laughed for a good hour over that.

RIP Mr. Newman.

SAW

            Four years ago a powerful franchise started with just a dollar and a dream. Leigh Whannell and James Wan created the infamous film SAW. The film centered around two people who were shackled in a rundown bathroom with a dead body in the middle of the room. The movie than plays out likes a talking head movie as the characters try to figure out how they got there and who each other were. The film was an instant classic and gave life to a new serial killer icon of that of JIGSAW. Jigsaw played by Tobin Bell is the underlying driving force of the series. In each installment, up to five (currently as of yesterday), we get a new piece of Jigsaw’s back-story and a new element to the whole SAW odyssey. The series

As whole consists of strangers who are connected with some secret, being place together or alone, in a series of “therapeutic” torture devices. It’s if they stay true to themselves and face their sins is the only way to survive.

Now on to SAW 5, if you didn’t see the previous installments or most importantly SAW 4, then this film will make absolutely no sense at all. That is a major problem with all these films, except the first one, you have to see them all for them to make sense. Each SAW film webs back to the original and the previous sequels.  However, with this film like the others the ending is exactly the same. (MINOR SPOILER) In all five SAW’s there is a montage sequence where a cop who is playing the game goes into a scary building or area alone and gets tricked by JIGSAW. My complaint is if the cop is up on the tricks of JIGSAW why would you go into his “lair” without a semi-automatic weapon or a S.W.A.T team. I don’t want to go into spoiling SAW 5, except the ending is similar to the other films, and this is a spoiler, a SAW 6 is already in the works for 2009.

See SAW 5, only in theaters. Playing now. http://saw5.asmik-ace.co.jp/

Paris Hilton

It’s been a while since I’ve been on another celeb rant, but today I just can’t help it. I found out that actress/singer/reality Television star/Former prison inmate just got another television show called “PARIS HILTON’S MY NEW BFF.” Again, the blond bimbo pollutes the airwaves with her non-intelligent candor, except this time it’s a reality show that has contestants aiming for the prize of being Paris Hilton’s best friend. What kind of ego maniacal, self-serving altruistic individual do you have to be to even writes this scenario on a piece of paper little own is the star. I don’t know who to be mad at Paris Hilton or the producers that let this stuff happen. She didn’t learn anything after being incarcerated and she I still doing what she was doing before she got arrested. Her character is disgusting and the movie and television producers giving her money to spread her stupidity should be fired on the spot. Paris word of advice, go to school and university and learn something, earn a degree, learn a trade, because your looks aren’t going to last. Dumb isn’t funny or “hot” when you’re a forty-year-old moron.

Lets talk about two television shows that had feature films in the last year, the juggernaut that is THE SIMPSONS and the sophomore hit RENO 911.

The result one film was a major disappointment and the other was a surprise delight.

Let’s start with THE SIMPSON movie; Springfield is declared a national threat to the environment. This is because of a mistake done by the stupid patriarch of the Simpson family Homer. The President of the United States encapsulates the town in a giant bubble to protect and America and the townspeople turn on the Simpson family.

            This film took almost eighteen years to come up with after many drafts of the script and many different writers and ideas, this is the best they could come up with? The movie is flat and uninteresting. It doesn’t seem like an adventure it just seems like a normal situation that could have sustained a half hour rather than a full feature film. The characters that are added (Albert Brooks does a voice) seem to be things we have seen in previous episodes of the show and seems familiar, such as, a millionaire who wants to change Springfield blah blah, it has been done to death. The film’s pacing didn’t play well either because the climax of the film happened almost in the middle of the movie and Homer had the last shot of saving Springfield. Lackluster, predictable and overall there were NO jokes. A small bit with a pig that looked like Harry Potter and Spiderman added some levity but that’s it. THE SIMPSON MOVIE is a failed attempt and the writers should actually be ashamed of themselves. A quick suggestion for the writers I know their show has been on the air for almost twenty years, but you might want to breathe some fresh life into the film and either add new characters or make the kids teenagers, then maybe at that time it’ll be fresh and interesting. But again, two more years to go and it becomes the longest running sitcom in history.

            RENO 911 is actually the better of the two movies. RENO, which relies on a lot off color jokes, nudity, harsh language and a sense of off the color improvisation, flourishes where the SIMPSONS do not. The film is actually really good and funny. The unrated cut has a run time of seventy-five minutes (that includes the credits). The film is extremely short and that’s probably the main strength. The film has a group of moronic sheriff troopers who go to “cop” week in Miami. While there someone plots to destroy all of the best police forces in the country by releasing a disease into the convention center. The only cops who were not infected were the dimwitted Reno Sheriff’s department. It’s up to them to protect Miami and find an antidote for the police officers. Madcap comedy ensues, as the troopers have to deal with a real Floridian alligator, Cuban drug deals and they have to remove a beached whale on a nude beach. This is a better rental for better laughs albeit adult laughs but at least you have laughs. The other film, both children and adults will leave without a laugh from the experience. Adults, see the RENO 911 one movie, and if your spouse doesn’t appreciate the humor it’s only and hour and ten minutes long.

THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3 (Minor spoilers)

Yes, another remake is planned for this upcoming summer blockbuster category. It’s one of my favorite thrillers of all time the 1974 flick THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3.

Robert Shaw and fiends hijack a subway train in the middle of New York City and demand in an hour a delivery of one million dollars cash. It’s up the Walter Matthau playing a detective in the transit police to stop Shaw’s evil plan. This is top-notch thriller that centered on both witty dialogue and a great plot with twists left and right which made this film work. You got the story from both sides the crooks and the cops and you felt for both. The crooks were all named after colors, which Quentin Tarrantino also used in his classic crime film RESERVOIR DOGS. This film also had a cast that had the always-talented Martin Balsam, the always-hilarious Jerry Stiller, Tony Roberts playing a deputy mayor, Earl Hinderman(Wilson on HOME IMPROVEMENT), Doris Roberts(EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND) and Hector Elizondo as the murderous Mr. Gray. This is a great film and I recommend to anybody who loves a good thriller and you can watch in IMDB for free and I think you can even watch it on NETFLIX.COM.

Watch the original before they destroy it with the remake. Even though the remake has the talents to Denzel Washington and John Travolta, I hardly doubt it’s going to come close to the magic the original film had. Once David Shire’s thumping score comes on for the main titles, I guarantee you’ll be hooked.

Check out the trailer up top and the original credit sequence.

I have a novel that I feel Hollywood should actually take notice of, it’s by premier author Christopher Mahoney, his new children’s adventure series: THE INCREDIBLE ORIGNS OF THE ONYX SUN. I had low expectations going into reading and reviewing this piece, mainly because I review fiction geared for an adult audience and very rarely will I focus on a piece of children’s literature. But being a Dad of recent months, I have to be open for everything for my daughter. The bottom line with ONYX is I can’t wait to see what happens next. With this review I do not want to add spoilers so I will give a short description of the events in the book are as follows, the story is about a young boy named Zack Goodspeed, who is a normal kid with an abnormal grandfather. His grandfather is an incredibly talented inventor who creates an extremely powerful source of power called the ONYX SUN. With the help of his female friend named Max, the two of them clamor to discover the true identity of Zack’s grandfather what the ultimate plan is with the ONYX SUN.

            The story is hot; I can definitely see this being a book series with multiple sequels. My only criticism that it seems as if we have felt this story before a la, FLASH GORDON meets WAR GAMES. I hate making analogies like that, but the same kind of elements is there. However the text is tight and the story is extremely enjoyable that you won’t even know what page you’re on. In twenty-four hours I was already on page 142. This is a great read for all kids pre-teen and young adult, it’s refreshing fun.

If Hollywood were smart (which they’re not) they would secure this property right away and try to make it a film or even a game series. In closing I’m very curious to see what else does Mahoney have in store for us in the next Goodspeed adventure. This is a great read and great fun.

You can learn more about this book at www.onyxsun.com and at www.goodreads.com

   PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE

Now, I’m going to defend one of the worst films of all time. PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE. Now, I know I’m going to sound hypocritical by saying I like this film because it’s been dubbed one of the worst films ever made, and there is no doubt it is bad, but its made with a lot of effort and spirit you can’t not help but like it.

Made by legendary schlock director Ed Wood in 1959, this film revolves around a bunch of aliens who want to take over the planet Earth, so they initiate “plan 9″ to resurrect the dead to use as puppets to take over the living. 

The film is one of those classic bad movies that you can openly laugh at, with a plane set that you can see a shower curtain in the background, a graveyard with cardboard cutouts (an actor trips and knocks over one of the cardboard tombstone), a problem with continuity we can never tell if it’s daytime or night time, horrible acting left and right written with ridiculous text.

However, Ed Wood did write a really good speech spoken by the character of “Eros” played by Dudley Mandlove. The speech revolves about how stupid Earth creatures are and all they do is want to destroy each other and that in order to protect their race that had to come down and destroy Earth. To me that shows Wood wanted to make a good film and he wanted his voice to be heard of what had been happening in the society at the time. It didn’t help though that at the end of the speech the famous line “Your stupid minds, stupid, stupid!” was the last thing the character said.

I actually have a poster of Vampira from PLAN NINE on my wall and I display it proudly. Believe me, there are a lot of things in Hollywood that has been coming out that was worse than PLAN NINE (INDEPENDCE DAY, GODZILLA 1998, SPIDERMAN 3). Mr., Wood, tried to make a good movie although inexperienced, he sat at a typewriter and wanted to tell the best story he possibly could. I applaud Mr. Wood and sadly feel bad that he did die penniless and alone.

This is a great film for Halloween and I recommend this fully. Also check out the Tim Burton classic ED WOOD, starring Johnny Depp(who should have got the Oscar for his portrayal of Ed wood) and Martin Landau as Bela Lugosi(who did win the Oscar).

Check out both PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE AND ED WOOD.

THE ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERD

An unrelated film website was directed to me over the weekend and I became an instant fan. I am thirty years old and in my youth my video game system of choice was the original NINTENDO 8 bit system. I remember going to the local mom and pop video store and renting video games over the weekend and being immersed in them until the week began again. I get a lot of nostalgia from thinking about all those titles and all those many hours wasted one on level or board in a particular game. The site I discovered is the alter ego of New Jersey native, James Rolfe, as THE ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERD.

            Rolfe’s character that he “plays” is dressed in typical nerd fashion; white buttoned down shirt, pocket protector with pens, black glasses but the attitude he exudes is pure rage. He reviews old video games from the past with a revised and scathing dissection with obscenity-laden rants that are not only HYSTERICAL and entertaining, but also usually very funny.

            For example, he reviews TOHO’s, DR. JECKYLL AND MR. HYDE, and he states that it’s impossible to figure out and the weapons are useless and all in all you only get five minutes of game play because it’s impossible to advance in the narrative. However, I described it extremely cleanly, Mr. Rolfe’s swearing slogans are so entertaining that it is almost an honor to be reviewed and scathed by him.

I’m still laughing thinking about him, please check him out you wont be disappointed even if you are not a video game fan.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_angry_video_game_nerd

Just quickly another website I want to plug is a Today.com blogger who is just as good (If not better) with reviewing horror movies as myself. The Horror Queen, please check her out: http://horrorqueen.today.com/