filmandcinemapuritans

I have just once again been appalled by the remake churning machine that is Hollywood, by these idiots destroying another one of favorite horror flicks from the 80’s, DAY OF THE DEAD. Zack Snyder’s artful exception, was powerful, well acted and extremely respected the original film that it was remaking, DAY OF THE DEAD, disregarded everything the original had to offer and completely ripped off every other action film known to man. When the only positive thing that I have to say about a film is that the stunts were good, we’re looking at a piece of excrement. The story revolves around teenagers who are in the army reserves; protect a town that is infected by the zombie virus (or so we guess). With jumping zombies, and digital effects of human brains transforminginto disgusting killers, this film just gets irritating and irritating. Our star Mena Suvari (who is too pretty to be in a film like this), acts horribly as our heroine, Nick Cannon is our token black hero, who curses and uses every black racial epithet as he’s dispatching monster after monster. Keep in mind that these kids are like in the junior ROTC and Forty minutes into the film they are toting automatic weapons and are expert marksmen. I’m sorry, what made DAWN OF THE DEAD remake special, was that Zack Snyder made it realistic, when the kids in the DAY OF THE DEAD remake break into a gun store, Nick Cannon pulls out machine gun after machine gun and totes a bazooka and other ridiculous stuff that wouldn’t be in a downtown gun store (I know, that could be debatable with what part of the country you’re in). Mena Suvari’s character has a brother who is not in this junior ROTC and by the end of the film; the brother and his brother’s girlfriend are also expert marksman. This film just makes me so angry, I just want to know who is responsible for this nightmare; I look at the directing credit (expecting to see Uwe Bowell) and see Mr. Steve Miner. Mr. Miner who single handedly destroyed a no-brainer opportunity with HALLOWEEN 20(Jamie Lee Curtis), demolished yet another franchise. Mr. Miner stick to directing crappy televison and get your freaking mitts out of my horror movies. What makes Mr. Miner being a crappy director a shock is he actually directed two of the FRIDAY THE 13^TH films (Parts two and three), and believe it or not both were good.

            In conclusion the DAY OF THE DEAD remake, was poorly acted, poorly written and poorly CAST, the positives of the film were the stunts and the special effects. This might have been Steve Miner’s biggest budget film yet to date. To rehash to the original 1985 classic (in its own right), Commander Rhodes (Joe Polito), is in charge of an underground research facility that is under constant threat from the undead. The only hope for the humans is one zombie named Bub, who actually remembers and reacts to certain objects and is willing to be trained.  Some classic characters, colorful dialogue, and unforgettable gore make this one a Tuesday night at nine a classic. Now to revert back to the horrible remake,

There is a Bub, but he’s actually a tragic character that they could’ve done a lot with but of course they were too busy blowing stuff up to work on the script. And Commander Rhodes is in the picture, for ten minutes, who is played in a god-awful cameo by of all people VING RHAMES. Mr. Rhames who was in the remake of DAWN must have had some contractual agreement to be in this toilet clunker, I just hope he can revive his career after this massive turkey of remake.

The following clip is a classic scene from the original DAY OF THE DEAD, and one of the funniest lines in film history, thanks to Mr. Joe Polito. (The clip contains harsh language, viewer discretion is advised)

ISSAC HAYES – I just want to go on record and say that an ultimate legend has passed. Mr. Issac Hayes. The man had many hats, that of a musician, an actor, a producer, but he will always be remembered for his legendary scores. The SHAFT theme, SOUL MAN or a little overlooked juggernaut f a film: TRUCK TURNER. I believe this is the only film he got top billing of the sixty-five films he co-starred in. Truck Turner is about a football player turned bail bondsman who is tough as nails and just wont take any crap. He carries a bigger gun than Dirty Harry and will beat up anybody that looks at him funny. This is an awesome action flick with great stunts and a kick-ass score (written of course by the star). This is ninety minutes of good old fun with Isaac Hayes just trying to keep the streets safe, starring and all-star cast, with Dick Miller (Every Roger Corman movie known to man) Scatman Crothers (THE SHINING), Charles Cyphers (HALLOWEEN), Nichelle Nichols who is extremely memorable as the foul mouthed madam in the film, and most notably Yaphat Kotto who plays the evil “Blue” the pimp.  If you’ve never seen this non-stop action romp than stop what you’re doing get a copy. Mr. Hayes we’re defiantly going to miss you, with memorable parts that you played in ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, I’M GONNA GET YOU SUCKA, ROBIN HOOD: MEN IN TIGHTS, HUSTLE AND FLOW, and of course the character of Chef on SOUTH PARK.

R.I.P  8/20/1942 - 8/10/2008

It’s time to get back to talking about movies; here is an unexpected gem of a flick, 21 a very engaging card film. This film is loosely based on Ben Mezrich’s book: BRINGING DOWN THE HOUSE: THE INSIDE STORY OF SIX M.I.T. STUDENTS WHO TOOK VEGAS FOR MILLIONS, is an extremely entertaining film for all ages. 21, stars Kevin Spacey and Lawrence Fishburne, is a film about a twenty one year old kid who needs to get money to enter Harvard medical. His professor at MIT teaches the student how to count cards in the high stake game of blackjack. Counting cards is a non-illegal practice but basically it’s cheating against the casino, which results in the casinos resulting in some non-friendly tactics. This film was incredibly entertaining, even though it has a young cast, older film goers can still be thrilled, as they dumb down the card language and explain all the signals and tells of the game of twenty one. This is a must see and non-disappointing film for anybody who wants to see fast paced, well acted, taught thriller on playing high risk black jack.

I have a new review on a book that is an upcoming film, CHOKE, opening up this September. CHOKE was written by Chuck Palahniuk, the brilliant author of the novel FIGHT CLUB (which became the excellent film). Choke revolves around a sex obsessed, medical student who needs to finish paying for school, in doing so he works at a live-action museum where he dressing up in garb from 18^th Century America and plays a character, but this occupation doesn’t give him the money he needs. The medical student plans an original way to get the money he needs; the man eats at a restaurant and pretends that he’s choking so that the other restaurant goers have sympathy for him. The author loves to write about debauchery and the dark side of human nature, and he has a doctorate in the flip side of life. The characters light each page and we see the impact of every scientific and historical fact used to author perfection. This book is an exceptional read, it’s will not be appealing to all readers because of the graphic sex in it, but for people who like honesty and a good noir like novel, pick up a copy of CHOKE. The book has given me some good hopes for the upcoming film, which stars Sam Rockwell(THE GREEN MILE) and Angelica Huston(ADAMS FAMILY).

I’m going to do another off the cuff non-movie related rant again. I’m sorry, I’m sorry but Kathy Griffen inspires me right now; what the hell did Gwen Stefani and her husband name their kid? I heard it on the news and was flabbergasted. They named their little innocent, defenseless baby Zuma Nasta Rock. I’m sending a direct message to Hollywood: STOP COMPETING WITH EACH OTHER! THE REST OF THE WORLD DOESN’T CARE. I know that young Zuma will be going to school with Shiloh, Zahara, Knox, and Pilot Inspektor, but when he gets older I think resentment might be the end result. I’m not saying originality isn’t a good thing, but when a small child doesn’t have a say in their name, don’t make them stand out because of the press. It’s a short form of a child abuse. Stop trying to impress everybody with your wackiness; the rest of the world just thinks your stupid. I feel like sending these wacky celebs to the moon.

I have another unusual rant to add to this one, the casting of the new film PRINCE OF PERSIA. I feel ashamed that Hollywood is actually going back to its own old roots and not casting actual people to fit the parts. For example, the great Dustin Hoffman playing a Native American in LITTLE BIG MAN or Sir Alec Guinness playing an Arabian in LAWRENCE OF ARABIA. The upcoming video game flick PRINCE OF PERSIA has of all people playing the title character, Jake Gyllenhaal. Look, I’m sure there are a million Persian actors in Hollywood alone to fit the bill, do we need the white guy from THE DAY AFTER TOMMORROW to play a different nationality, this totally inappropriate casting in this day and age. Mr. Gyllenhaal needs to stick to films with his race. It just looks silly and just bad.

My wife and I had our first child, last October 2007; our lives have never been the same. We were used to going to bed whenever we wanted, going to the movies whenever we wanted, doing extracurricular activities whenever we wanted, now this eighteen-pound little toddler runs our time schedule. Raising children is no easy task; my wife and I are very sleep deprived with our ten month old; when we want to sleep she wants to play. Our finances are in a bind because of all the added expenses with having and raising children: formula, diapers, toys, and equipment such as car seats, high chairs and walkers. Plus there is a big strain on our marriage while we’re raising our child. Fights about money are a big thing, we fight when we are sleep deprived; we fight at least once a week.

            Decision making of development is a key argument while raising children. With what is important of developing your child’s personality, you have to cherry pick carefully what you expose your child too. I feel (and some studies have shown) that if you interact with your child constantly the child will learn more from you rather if you just plop your child in front of a television. Yes BABY EINSTEIN is a wonderful video program to help baby’s learn about movement, color and even music, but after the half-hour video is over, parents should play with their children for a least an hour. I know parents have a lot to do but a child learns the most from his or her parents. That’s just life, a video is not going to teach them manners, or how to laugh. I know my wife and are a novice at raising children, but we know that just sitting down and playing ball with her is more important then any library program or live in nanny could teach your children.

P2 – Here is a small little horror flick that is very entertaining to watch. A woman on Christmas eve is the last one to leave her building, but to her surprise one security guard has been watching her and fantasizing about her with deadly consequences. The woman is left alone in an office building with a very dangerous man and she has no option to escape her only alternative is to survive until the morning, This is a classic cat and mouse kind of caper which revolves in a twelve hour period and gets its chills from psychological horror rather than slasher-flick horror. The woman played by the beautiful Rachel Nichols goes against all horror conventions as she plays the heroine as a smart, in charge of her wits woman, not the “I wear high heels and run through the woods” kind. There is a devilish scene that I could have been longer where there was an initial confrontation between the evil security card and her at a dinner table (ala Hannibal), which could have been the entire movie, and then a final scene could have occurred but they preferred the chase scenario in this film. That was the only fault of this film, they should have kept it between the two characters and had it more of dramatic discourse rather then violence and chase scenes (ala DEATH AND THE MAIDEN), but I think the film is good and is entertaining, not original but entertaining for all movie goers.

As a side note this feels like a remake of television movie called TRAPPED starring Kathleen Quinlan(Apollo 13) and Bruce Abbot(Re-Animator).http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098507/

A vampire film that I have to applaud for re-inventing the vampire film is the Josh Hartnett vehicle 30 DAYS OF NIGHT. This is the film that makes vampires scary again. It takes place in a small town in Alaska that is in constant darkness for thirty days. Josh Hartnett plays the sheriff of the small town and has to stay the month to keep the order and keep the hundred remaining town people safe from dishonest behavior (Most of the town leaves for the month). When a ship carrying an unknown cargo lands near the town all hell breaks loose as a murderous bunch of blood sucking creatures descend the town as sunset creeps down for a nap for the thirty days. What makes this film great is the fact of the realistic actions of the cast of the characters.  You don’t have a lonely hero who does a rote automatic battle with the creatures, or do you have characters that go into basements to investigate strange noises. The vampires enter these people’s lives like an army invading another country, and take their land, destroy their possessions and takes there lives. There is karate in the movie, nobody brandishing a sword cutting off the vampire’s heads. In fact the vampire to human kill ratio in this film is on the side of the vampires. The band of humans might have killed a dozen of them compared to almost sixty or so people the vampires’ slaughter. The violence is extreme, so when somebody throws and axe at somebody the results are believable. The survivors are lead by Josh Hartnett and you are in the horror with him and the rest of the people. You are frightened for their lives as you are for the rest of humanity. This film is a real treat, edge of your seat, soon to be classic horror film. This is a turn off the lights and grabs your teddy bear kind of movie. Just don’t drink any wine while watching the film because I’m sure you’re going to have to reupholster something.

I have a small rant. I’m sick of celebrities ruling the world. I can’t stand that all of a sudden if there is a cause that needs to be fixed or be addressed all of a sudden a limo pulls up and insert brain dead celebrity to tell us normal people or idiots about it.

Like, I need Joe Blow Movie Star to tell me that cancer is bad and we need to get an exam. I’m not a moron. The big culprits of this “Celebrity awareness” are Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. I don’t need to see Angelina Jolie in front of the U.N. talking about Africa, when you know damn well she never went to Africa until she had a ton of cash. How about this: Give up show business and hang out in Africa. I’m sick of all of these stars who now that they’re famous they have opinions, just shut up and make a lack luster sequel

WAIT UNTIL DARK

A play turned into a film brings not only great thrills but also legendary results. Based on the play by Frederic Knott (DIAL M FOR MURDER), this film, mostly takes place in an apartment (one set), where three criminals plot and scheme in order to recover a stolen child’s toy that has a very wealthy secret. Jack Weston plays the street-smart thug Carlino, Richard Creena plays the charming, confidence trickster Mike Tallman, and Alan Arkin plays the dangerous heavy Mr. Roat, in terrifying realism. But the most important star is our female lead, Audrey Hepburn. The fact that the casting of Audrey Hepburn as the defenseless blind woman was probably the most ingenious choice you could make. At that time, was probably one of the biggest stars on the screen with such hits as BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S and CHARADE, and she played the love interest with not much depth, that by casting her as a vulnerable blind heroine in a horror flick makes this film extremely, memorable. There are no real special effects in this film just great dialogue and incredibly great acting. That dynamic light on the screen as in the climax of the film, the devilish Alan Arkin comes face to face with the helpless Audrey Hepburn for some terrifying results. The film’s last scene supposedly was shown in theaters in complete darkness, where they would darken all house lights and aisle lights, and where nobody would be allowed in until the final eight minutes were up. This publicity act could have been taken from Hitchcock’s famous PSYCHO, lock out where as soon as the film started nobody was allowed in or back in. This created a genuine movie experience for everybody. Now, I don’t recall any film with that kind of rules or making any of those claims. The only thing that came close is when THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT came out; there were signs all over that warned the theatergoers of the jerky camera movement and the risk of getting vertigo. That entire aside, WAIT UNTIL DARK is an excellent film and must be seen in absolute darkness.